I got the call yesterday that my cousin was just placed in hospice. My cousin was like my little sister. She was a couple of years younger than me, and we went through high school and college together. I really don’t know what to say when I see her, which is why I’m writing this.

What follows is based on my research and not from personal experience—but I hope it helps anyone else who feels unsure about how to navigate these difficult conversations.

1. Focus on Listening More Than Talking

The most important thing you can do is simply be there. People in hospice often want someone to listen, not to fix or explain things.

A few ways to show support:

Let them guide the conversation.
Be okay with quiet moments.
Offer a hand to hold or just sit with them.

Presence speaks louder than perfect words.

**2. Comforting Things You Can Say**

When words feel hard, simple and honest phrases are often the most meaningful:

“I’m here with you.”
“You’re not alone.”
“I love you.”
“It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.”
“Thank you for letting me spend this time with you.”

Avoid saying things like “Everything happens for a reason” or “You’ll beat this”, as they might feel dismissive in this context.

3. Share Happy Memories & Gratitude

Reminiscing about good times can be comforting. You might talk about:

Funny stories from school or college.
Moments where they made you laugh or helped you.
How much they’ve impacted your life.

Let them hear how they’ll be remembered—not just for their illness, but for the joy they’ve brought.

4. Gentle, Open-Ended Questions

If they feel like talking, you can ask soft questions like:

“Is there anything you feel like talking about today?”
“Would you like me to read something to you or just sit with you?”
“Is there anything you’d like me to do for you right now?”

Be sensitive to their energy and mood. Some days they may want to talk, others they may just want quiet company.

5. Express Your Love & Appreciation

Now is the time to say things we often don’t say enough:

“I’m so grateful for all our memories together.”
“You’ve been such an important part of my life.”
“Thank you for being you.”

Simple, heartfelt words can bring peace and connection in these moments.

6. Support Emotional & Spiritual Needs

Be open to whatever they may want—whether it’s a conversation about fears, hopes, or even just listening to music together. You can ask:

“Would you like me to stay with you for a while?”
“Is there anything that would make you more comfortable right now?”

It’s about meeting them where they are.

7. Remember: Just Being There Is Enough

You don’t need the perfect words. Your presence is what matters most. Even sitting silently with them can be one of the most comforting gifts you give.

Final Thoughts

Facing a visit with a loved one in hospice is never easy. I’m learning that there’s no script, no magic words—only the gift of your time, your love, and your willingness to listen.

If you’re in this situation too, I hope this helps. We don’t have to be experts to show up for the people we love.

References

Self-Care While Grieving

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This blog was reviewed by Dr. Sourabh Kharait.

This blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your healthcare provider before making any changes to your treatment plan, hydration strategies, or diet. The information provided here is based on general insights and may not apply to individual circumstances.

What to Say to a Loved One on Hospice: Comforting Words & Meaningful Conversations